According to the American Adoption Congress (AAC), 65 percent of adopted American teens have a desire to meet their birth parents. An additional 72 percent want to know why they were placed for adoption. It’s only natural for teens to feel the need to know their story to understand who they are and where they came from. Of course, there are certain issues that all teens deal with, regardless of whether they are adopted or not. Unfortunately, these issues tend to be harder for adoptees.

According to the Center for Adoption Support and Education (CASE), adopted teens often face unique hurdles when forming their identity. It can bring up unanswered feelings and thoughts they may have about their birth parents that they are psychologically separated from. For some adopted teens, independence may feel like abandonment while separation feels likes rejection. For adopted teens that are unable to express their emotions and thoughts effectively to someone, such as a parent or therapist, there is a higher risk for developing severe behavioral and emotional problems. This includes substance abuse, poor school performance, depression, and more.

Many adopted teens experience the following emotions in regards to searching for their birth parents.

• Guilt: Unfortunately, many adopted teens feel as if they are being disloyal to their adoptive families if they have a voice a desire to find their birth parents. They may feel guilty and feel uncomfortable discussing this topic with their adopted parents making conversations very difficult.
• Confusion: It is common for adopted teens to feel confused about their feelings. They may not be able to understand why they feel the way they do and experience anger or sadness without knowing why. Emotions can easily fly off the handle.
• Distance: It is not unusual for teens to distance themselves in an effort to feel more independent. This may cause parental communication to halt because they feel their parents are meddling when trying to open up the lines of communication. This can make it difficult for parents who want to help their children find their birth parents.

If your child has expressed a desire to search for their birth parents, there are several things you can do to open up the lines of communication.

• Respect their feelings and demonstrate how much you trust their opinions.
• Make your adopted child aware that you are always there for them when they want to talk, but do not force the issue. When they are ready to discuss the subject, be open, direct, and let them think about their search on their own terms.
• Be available to help. This gives you the chance to support your child in their search. Be there to help as much or as little as they desire.
• Be willing to share information that you have on their birth parents, even if you feel they need to be sheltered. The birth parent may have a history of mental illness, substance abuse, sexual assault, or incarceration. Your child will need information and support as they attempt to find out who they are during their search.
• Be aware that your child will likely need additional support during their search. Others, including their friends, school counselors, and adopted parents, may have a difficult time understanding what they are going through. Some teens may feel uncomfortable when their adopted parents want to help in this situation. To assist them in understanding the emotions they are experiencing, it is a good idea to find them a therapist who specializes in adoption issues to talk with.