We all have a deep desire to know who we really are. It’s no different for adoptees. Wanting to make contact with birth parents or family members who share their race, country of origin or ethnicity is normal. During the youth of the adoptee, it’s a good idea to emotionally prepare as parents for the future of a search for finding the said birth parents of your adopted child. There will come a day when your adopted child is ready to start searching for family members for meetings and or reunions.
Although an adoptee may think, they’re ready to start searching for relatives they may not be at all ready to plan reunions or even make contact yet. Sometimes just searching for the identities of the birth parents are enough. Some adoptees have no desire to make any physical contact. Not every adoptee is the same and you must understand that in preparing for searching for any relatives that may or may not be found.
It’s extremely common for adoptees to need time to think and ponder what they really want before making any hasty decisions in making contact. Young adults may think about this at important times in their life like at birthdays, graduations—special moments in their life when they would want to share things with their birth parent.
Teens must prepare for a wide range of reactions if they haven’t had contact with relatives in the past. As an adoptive parent, you can preparing your child to ensuring the contact is appropriate and well thought out. Having a clear definition for everyone involved is usually the best for everyone involved. It’s a good idea to have a professional social worker or therapist who knows about adoption that may be able to provide everyone with assistance.
Adoptive parent support groups and mentors can be helpful while this process along with a professional counselor or therapist who knows about adoption issues can help you identify everyone’s feelings. There may be feelings of fears and grief so be aware that you should maintain an open and honest relationship with your child. Adoptees may be terrified of hurting their parents when they search for their birth family, and your full support will be needed. Your unconditional love will be necessary if and when your son/daughter is ready to take this big step.
Keep records and start preparing now by gathering information about how an adoption search is conducted in the State where your child’s adoption occurred. If any private placing agencies were used, find out what their resources and methods are for assisting adopted persons in locating birth parents/family. There are professional search groups, registries, and the Internet which can all be extremely helpful in the searching.
International adoption agencies are sometimes the best way to help with communications out of the country and search services. Some State agencies maintain post adoption services, an adoption registry, or offer a confidential intermediary to help adoptees, birth parents, and siblings who are looking for information. The age requirements to participate in these services are usually in the range of 18-21 years of age.
Sometimes, this non-identifying information may include the parents’ ages at time of birth, the age and sex of other children, hobbies, general geographical location, and even the reasons for the adoption if you’re lucky.
There are State and National Reunion Registries where you can sign up, known as Mutual Consent Registries, which are maintained by government or private individuals. These registries work by allowing each member of the adoption triad to register. This in turn is a hope to be matched with someone else who might be searching for them. One of the best around is the International Soundex Reunion Registry (ISRR).
Adoption support groups or mailing list are important to join. They supply the much-needed emotional support to all involved. The adoption support groups also can provide you with information concerning current laws, current search techniques, and new information.
If you're serious about the adoption search and have the funds, you may consider petitioning for the services of a Confidential Intermediary or CI. Some states have instituted intermediary/search and consent systems to allow adoptees and birth parents the ability to contact each other through mutual consent. The CI is given access to the complete court and/or agency file and, using the information contained in it, attempts to locate people. If and when contact is made by the intermediary, the person found is given the option of allowing or refusing contact by the searching party. The CI then reports the results to the court (if the contact has been refused it then ends the search). If the person located agrees to have contact, the court will then authorize the CI to give the name and address of the person sought to the adoptee/birthparent. Check with the state in which the adoption occurred as to the availability of a Confidential Intermediary System.
If you need help with your adopted teen contact us for help. At Three Points Center, we specialize in teens who have been adopted. Give us a call today at 435-635-0636.